Day Sixteen 2019

25 Locks


I’m in a box with 25 locks
locked in for each one of my sins.  
“Don’t talk to her! Don’t talk to him!” 
Stay in the house while I go to the gym. 
Cook the dinner, you’re a sinner so get on your hands and knees,
Get on your hands and knees and you better start to f-ing clean. 
Clean the kitchen, Clean the bathroom and the living room too.
It better be done on time or you know what will happen to you, 
I’ll put you in the box with 25 locks, a lock for all your sins. 
I’ll put you in a box with 25 locks and put the key in the f-ing bin. 
So I’m locked in for all my sins and I begin to clean, 
I clean the kitchen, I clean the bathroom and I start cleaning the living room too. 
As I danced to the music, I moved the settee and tried to get in the party mood. 
I had the hoover on, danced to my favourite song, then turned around and bumped into you. 
My body went cold, my face looked old as I stood there facing you. 
I stepped back in my box with my 25 locks and I handed you the key.
I said don’t worry baby, I was thinking maybe I won’t go out for my birthday this year. 
It’s getting you mad which is making me sad, it’s not worth the ag, forget it I’ll stay in and I’ll just smoke a fag.  
What do you want for dinner, I don’t want to be a sinner I just want to be a good girl for you?  
You stood up and you stared, I wondered where, or what your next move would be.  
You grabbed me in my face and told me I was lying, I felt like crying, I felt like dying.  
You leaned into my face you were boiling with rage, you roared I felt your hot breath on my neck on this day. 

“YOUR A SINNER I SAID!! Get in the box with 25 locks, a lock for each of your sins!!
Get in your box with 25 locks and I’ll put the key in the f-in bin. 
He pushed my head down into the ground and said “GET ON YOUR KNEES YOU CLOWN.  LOOK AT WHAT YOU’RE MAKING ME DO!”
I knew what was coming next, so I said F you, you prick there is no f-ing way I’m sucking your dick’!! 
You slapped me hard in the face, screamed at the bitch you f-ing hate, YOU SLAG, YOU UGLY BLACK LITTLE RAT!  
You grabbed me by my hair, you swung me around and I landed on the ground behind the chair. 
You’re a fucking prick I’m not having this, I said as touched my face and seen blood on my fingers. 
I’m not a sinner I’m a f-ing winner so now I’m going out tonight!! 

You went dark black at speeds quicker than a flip of a hat, next thing I know I was on laying on my back. 
I will kill you, you bitch, you’re an evil fucking witch look what your making me do.  
I feel like slitting your throat, putting you on a boat and dropping your body in the canal.. 
I looked into your black eyes and started to cry and started to apologise and beg for my life, who is this man I lay down with to make a baby so special and bright.
This black ugly cloud this black ugly monster was here to interrupt our life’s.  
Please, I’m sorry baby, it’s all my fault maybe? I’ll make it right just tell me what to do? 

I’ll get in my box with my 25 locks and stay locked in for each one of my sins. 
Back in my box with 25 locks and I will put the key in the bin. 

© Naomi Donald 20/11/2016

Twitter: @NaomiDonaldPODS 
LinkedIn: Naomi Donald 
Instagram: naomi_donald_pods

Day Fourteen 2019

Should I Call You?


Should I call you when he spits at me?
It’s not a real crime though can’t you see?

Should I call you when he urinates on me?
It’s not a real crime though can’t you see?

Should I call you when he humiliates me?
It’s not a real crime though can’t you see?

Should I call you when he’s spent all my money and left me and the kids none?
It’s not a crime though – nothing can be done.

Should I call you when he’s telling me no one will believe me?
He said he’d tell you I’m proper crazy.

Should I call you when he screams ‘you fucking bitch I want you dead’?
But it’s only words that he’s said?

Should I call you when I daren’t say no to him in bed?
Wouldn’t make any difference ‘I’m his’ he said.

Should I call you when he says ‘I’m following you’?
What on earth can you really do?

If I call you I’ll lose the kids, the man I love, my whole life….
I just want to be a good devoted wife.

‘It’s a domestic the police won’t give a shit’,
He says every time after I have been hit.

He’s not scared of you, doesn’t give a shit what you say…..
Will do it all again the very next day.

He’s sorry, life will get better can’t you see!?
Don’t interfere and make trouble for me.

You gave him ‘words of advice’, what did you expect that to do?
Strangle me until I turned blue?

I need you to deal with him, believe the things I say,
Not just remove him and him be home the next day.

Understand how frightened I am, all the things he’s done and said.
Yes I do really believe that one day I’ll be dead.

Day Thirteen 2019

In A World…


In a world of silent screams and broken dreams
Oppression crowding our isolation
And darkness clouding our devastation

In a world where no one sees nor yet believes
Imprisoned by those bruiseless blows
But no one knows how deep it goes

In a world where joy is an object to destroy
Our breath just brushing past the lung
Like a hollow song unsung

Amidst this there is a wondrous find
A place to leave it all behind
To rise above the silent screams that echo in those broken dreams

To relish things which still remain, beyond the memory of the pain
To reach for joy and breathe deep once more
To feel life ebbing within our core

Such is the place found through Voices
A revelation that we still have choices
Freedom to Love and Live and Be is now so possible for those like me!

Day Eleven 2019

Run Free


We embrace in a hug
A split second later I hear the words ‘We all have to go now’
As hands clenching around my neck getting tighter
Hands burst open I become a fighter
I see the monster in your eyes
Devil in your lies
Pushing harder to set us free
Grabbing anything I see to get you off me
Run run run we have to be free
Door opens then closes
Darkness evades my eyes
Legs running faster through the darkness
All of a sudden I see the light
Free from the pain free to be me again

Day Ten 2019

Salty Tears


Salty tears sting my face
Welling up from some dark place
Crushed down low they were placed
to help me cope in that hopeless place

Broken, lifeless lay my soul
To the point I was almost
No more!!
BUT Voices head my cry, my plea for sanity
For love, acceptance
For understanding all of me

The Freedom Programme was put in place
Laughter, love and clarity
Laughter lit the once dark place, resolve
Hope and love were put back into their rightful place

Weighed down with grief and sorrow
Loneliness and no hopes for tomorrow
Tortured daily by my ex – he’s looking for the cracks within
To slowly steal my soul, my heart, my joy within

Beaten down “YES” but “NO” longer as
And even though I’m not quite there
I know the volunteers always care

Cake is the order of the day
To take the sadness away
Chocolate, biscuits by the tonne
Which doesn’t help my bum
Who cares when the company is so much fun!!!!

I will have my day and he will pay for his cruel wicked ways
Emptiness will stay with him
A monster he carries within
You get back what you’ve put in

Day Nine 2019

Pearls Before Swine


Don’t throw your pearls before swine they say
But we ladies do it every day
We give our virtues away
Freely given
Because we are so smitten

Boundaries are the only way
To keep the swine at bay
Our virtues will stay intact
Hopefully to live a life that’s not crap

Be on your guard
From men who wish to gain
From our loving, generous ways
But heed the warning
Don’t fall for a narcissist and his cunning ways
Or in the future you will lack
The will to fight back from all the blows
The mental trauma he sows
Boundaries are the only way!!

Day Eight 2019

No Contact


Far from home I’ve had to go
Leave my family, my home
Go no contact is the way
To stay safe all day
He hounds me night and day
I’m lonely and afraid
But going no contact is the only way
My resolve was weak but now it’s strong
I understand being meek was not wrong
But kindness, love and respect
Wasn’t what you get
Remember, go no contact every day
Find your friends again, stay in touch
They will give you much
Kindness and the human touch
But go no contact every day
Or the pain won’t go away
the pain subsides from inside
Peace emerges in the main
Life starts once again.

Day Seven 2019

Casualty of a Narcissist


And fear comes rushing back for all those little slaps
For all those digs from him
Stripped bare of feelings deep within
So I just gave in to “the isolation beings” 
Anxious I lie awake hoping for a new take
To break the despair I’m living in

A crushing pain in my chest
Due to the more and more I had to invest
In love and tender care
My live was going nowhere

Downtrodden and long forgotten by friends and family
Deserted, left for dead, with their taunts in my head
Left with this man they once called friend
Called names, cut out of family stuff
The things that mattered MUCH!!!!

But then that fateful day came
The chance to pull away
A chance to be free, to find the real me
To laugh, to smile, to be free

How can someone disappear even though you are right here?
You’re gone but not forever